Newspaper Articles of interest to Cangrands, Ontario, Canada

Newspaper Articles of Interest

Trent Hills - Grandmother looking to form grandparent support group

by Michele Fairfield

11.16.04

Raising children is both challenging and rewarding. Raising grandchildren is challenging and rewarding too, but often for different reasons. That's why Nancy Hicks believes grandparents who are parenting their grandchildren need a little extra support. She knows well the unique issues grandparents who parent young children face; she been raising a grandson for over a decade on her own.

"How we bring them up is different," said Ms. Hicks. "So, it helps to talk to other people who understand what we are going through."

Having benefited from participating in a grandparent support group based in Cobourg, Ms. Hicks would like to see one operate in her own community.

"In looking around, I see there are a lot of grandparents in our area bringing up grandchildren," says Ms. Hicks. "We could share knowledge, resources, and some 'parenting as a grandparent' tips." She envisions meeting once or twice a month to share and learn. Guest speakers such as lawyers knowledgeable in grandparent rights and members of community and social agencies could be invited, she says. She has a place to meet lined up in Campbellford.

Perhaps the most obvious concern in becoming a parent as an older person is age, Ms. Hicks points out. Both children and grandparents worry about what might happen if the grandparent gets sick. "They know we are older and sometimes not well."

Along with health issues that can come with aging, there are financial and emotional considerations.

"Grandparents who are retired or set to retire, suddenly don't have a retirement," remarks Ms. Hicks. "They need to use the funds to raise the child; they need to know what other financial resources might be available to help them."

Some grandparents are going through the courts process to finalize custody, which can be expensive. The process can also create conflict with their child, the parent of the grandchild they are parenting, she notes. One other consideration not there when grandparents raised their children is the ever-present question "why are we not with our parents?" say Ms. Hicks. "It's hard on a child, it impacts the family."

Being older can also affect how grandparents view discipline practices. What worked and was acceptable years ago, may not hold for today, Ms. Hicks acknowledges. "Older people see the world as different now. Sometimes we have safety concerns even though we want to support our grandchild."

How others around them view their parenting role is also different, according to Ms. Hicks. "There is some isolation. Friends are not doing the same thing, and to go out, you need a sitter, so you tend not to-it can be lonely."

Other family members, especially grandchildren, can feel the difference. "There may be a number of other grandchildren who are affected," she says. "You treat the child you parent differently; you need to, but it can be hard for the others, particularly at Christmas and birthdays." As she puts it, "you are the acting parent, not just the grandparent." Nancy Hicks adds that some grandparents are also single through divorce or death of their spouse and so are single parents as well.

Parent as a grandparent requires a totally different mindset, according to the grandmother/parent.

"No one expects when you are in 20's to be parenting as a grandparent," she says. "Most of us were planning on relaxing and enjoying retirement, and now we are not doing it in the same way."

"Questions can come up. If we get together as a group we can find answers," she continues. "I want other grandparents to know there is help out there other that they might not know about." As an example, Ms. Hicks refers to respite, which she did not know was available until she went to the grandparents group in Cobourg.

Even though parenting as a grandparent can be very hard at times, "we can still do it," says. "It's a marvelous thing to do"

And getting together with other grandparents is not just about going over the hard parts. Sometimes it can be a chance to look back and say "do you remember when you .?"

As a parenting grandmother, Nancy Hicks also sees the positive in what she is doing. "I think some grandparents may be able to parent better than some parents, we have past experience," she says. "In my opinion we can ease back a little, we have less daily stress if we are not working."

Being a grandparent who parents means the teaching gets taught differently, says Ms. Hicks. She admits she has had to be pragmatic and set her needs aside to help her grandchild feel special.

Interested grandparents in the area can reach Ms. Hicks at (705) 653-0600.

http://www.communitypress-online.com/template.php?id=18145&RECORD_KEY(News)=id&id(News)=18145

RAISING A FAMILY - AGAIN (pdf)
Grandparents caring for grandkids is a growing trend, and some struggle to make ends meet BY ANN KERR
Special to The Globe and Mail

When grandkids don't leave - The National Post - Saturday, October 08, 2005
http://www.canada.com/national/nationalpost/news/story.html?id=8c08fc1d-2d7b-47ce-b10d-02bbd3c64c79

Published in Alberta Weekly on Sept. 5th - "G Day" by Susanne Burton (Kingston, ON).

On Sept. 6th - Sarah Jane Growe did a CANGRANDS article on our 2nd Annual Conference and Camp Out. Here is a link to the list of her many published articles concerning grandparents in The Toronto Star. "Thank you Sarah Jane - you mentioned many of the GRG issues - it is very much appreciated."

Pembroke Daily Observer (ON)

Saturday, July 17, 2004, p. 3

Raising Storm, Gareth and Madison:

Grandparents raising grandchildren; a growing trend in Canada that places immeasurable burden on this aging population. Reporter Valerie McLaughlin met one local family surviving on love and community support.

After spending the night at a friend's house, six-year-old Storm Bastien runs home to inform her grandmother, Valerie Unsworth, that she had a great time.

She immediately shows her grandmother a pair of bright purple slippers given to her as a present for her baby sister, Madison Jessome. Little Madison, who will turn two months old next week, sleeps quietly in her bassinet, blissfully unaware of the world around her.

After getting a granola bar from the cupboard Storm, who has high hopes of becoming a ballerina, walks into the family room to watch cartoons on television.

It is just other day at Ms. Unsworth's house.

Already the mother of four adult children, Ms. Unsworth, at 51, is raising her second family, as she takes on the role of mother for her eldest daughter's three children. The girls' older brother, Gareth Mackenzie, 8, is in Guelph, Ont., visiting relatives. He is having a great time with his aunt, said his grandmother, joking that he soon won't want to return home.

Last week Ms. Unsworth drove to Guelph and was legally awarded custody of Madison who was born in May. This is the latest chapter in Ms. Unsworth's life. She has been raising Storm and Gareth for more than three years.

Raising two young children and now a newborn is an immense financial and emotional challenge, noted Ms. Unsworth. Formula, diapers, food, and fees for extra curricular activities are expensive, however, raising her daughter's children is a duty that she willing takes on.

"I tell them all the time that their mommy loves them, but she is very sick," said Ms. Unsworth.

Her 32-year-old daughter is fighting a drug problem, she says. Soon after her birth, Madison tested positive for cocaine. The Children's Aid Society in Guelph immediately took the baby away from her mother. Not wanting her youngest granddaughter to be raised in foster care, Mrs. Unsworth intervened.

According to Ms. Unsworth, her daughter is currently incarcerated in jail, waiting for outstanding criminal charges against her to be resolved.

"I'm a family-oriented person," she said. "Families belong together. Families need to be together. It drives me crazy when my children fight amongst themselves."

Ms. Unsworth is relatively new to the Pembroke area. She moved here in September with Storm and Gareth. Before discovering that her daughter was nine months pregnant with Madison, Ms. Unsworth hadn't had any contact with her daughter for more than a year.

"In the three and a half years that I have had the children she has only seen them twice. It is pretty sad," she said.

Ms. Unsworth's situation is not that unusual, according to Betty Cornelius, founder and president of Cangrands, an non-profit organization that helps caregivers who are either raising grandchildren or are denied access.

There are 70,000 children in Canada being raised by a relative with no parent involved, said Ms. Cornelius.

"People don't realize how many of us are doing this job," she said. Ms. Cornelius' circumstances mirror Ms. Unsworth's situation. She is raising her son's daughter who is now 10 years old. Ms. Cornelius said that her son and her daughter-in-law were both abusing drugs when they had the child. The Children's Aid Society was alerted to the situation when the child was three days old, recalled Ms. Cornelius.

"This was the writing on the wall, (telling me) this was not good. It was bad from day one," she said. It took three and a half years, four poisonings, a molestation before Ms. Cornelius was awarded custody of the child. By the end of the ordeal her legal expenses totalled $28,000.

Neither she nor her granddaughter have seen her son in the last five years. Although she knows he is alive, she doesn't know his whereabouts. "That's hard," she said. "Often we will cry about him and we pray for both of them."

At the age of 52, Ms. Cornelius says she is blessed to be a young grandmother, but there are some grandmothers and relatives who are raising children in their 70s. "It is a tough job because we are all older. The average age of a grandmother (doing this job) is 58," she said.

Before taking custody of her granddaughter, Ms. Cornelius said she led an exciting life, including experiencing the thrill of driving her motorcycle across Canada. Now she often finds herself reading to her granddaughter and helping her colour. "It is still an exciting life, but it is very different," she remarked.

Critical of the provincial government, Ms. Cornelius believes children being raised by relatives require more financial support. Each month she receives $214, a dependent child allowance from Ontario Works. If her granddaughter was raised in foster care, her foster parents would receive at least $900, if not more, she said.

"We need the government to step up to the plate," she said. "There should be extra funding for these children. I think the government is discriminating against these children."

Ms. Unsworth feels the same way. Before taking custody of her grandchildren she was working. Now she is on Ontario Works and works part-time out of her home. Although she still doesn't have a crib for the baby, the Salvation Army has assisted the family by providing Madison with a bassinet clothing, blankets, power, soap, diapers and a bible.

"I was taken aback by their generosity, kindness and understanding," said Ms. Unsworth. "Coming originally from a city much larger than Pembroke where resources are far more plentiful, it warmed my heart to know that in a smaller community there is still an overabundance of kindness and generosity given to people in need, such as I have found myself in."

Ms. Unsworth is still optimistic that her daughter can beat her drug habit, regain control of her life and be a good mother to her three children.

Before getting into drugs, her daughter was a good mother to her son, but something changed her before giving birth to Storm, said Ms. Unsworth. After years of drug abuse her daughter is now talking about entering into a rehab facility after she is released from jail, she added.

"Maybe the birth of this third child has opened her eyes. I don't know," she said, adding her daughter's drug problem has caused rifts in the family. "Her brothers and sister hate what she has done to her kids and what she has done to me," she said.

Regardless of this, Ms. Unsworth said she is still more than willing to raise her daughter's children. As she waits to see if her daughter will seek treatment for her drug abuse problem, she is interested in starting or joining a support group for relatives who have a loved one fighting substance abuse.

"Our hands are basically tied to help these people," said Ms. Unsworth.

Photo: Observer photo by Valerie McLaughlinCUDDLING HER FAMILY: Valerie Unsworth, centre, is the primary caregiver for her grandchildren, newborn Madison, six-year-old Storm and Gareth (missing). Ms. Unsworth has had custody of the older children for more than threeyears. Soon after Madison was born she was taken into custody by the Children's Aid Society after she tested positive for cocaine. Ms. Unsworth gain custody of Madison last week.

© 2004 Pembroke Daily Observer (ON). All rights reserved.

		powered by FreeFind
	Traduire cette page à français utilisant	Site Map